I Watched Some of The Batman and It's Dumb
I can’t believe that creep judge in Florida singlehandedly lifted the federal mask mandate. This is the worst thing that could possibly happen to people who don’t have mouths and noses, whose faces are just eyes and a chin.
They are in my thoughts.
I’m at an artists’ residency, so naturally I couldn’t sleep last night and stayed up watching the first half-hour of The Batman on HBO, using my tablet thing. It’s how the filmmakers meant for it to be experienced.
Prior to starting it, I listened to an episode of the podcast Struggle Session where the hosts discussed the thing . So I was sort of ready for what I was in for.
It’s so bad. It’s hard to believe how bad it is.
The dialogue is flat. The pace is glacial. Batman acts like Batman even when he’s not in his suit. He even talks like Batman when he’s hanging out inside his house.
Yes, in that way, he is just like Lego Batman.
But I was entertained by it, because on Struggle Session they explained that this rendition of Batman is, basically, the Adam West Batman TV show. It’s not tonally like that, but in other ways, they explained, it absolutely is.
I don’t know exactly how to explain it—they do a great job, so there’s no need—but there’s something about the way The Riddler talks and behaves, and the way Bruce Wayne/Batman behaves that confirms their observations.
The Riddler is just so excited to be doing his terrible crimes. Paul Dano acts like Frank Gorshin on sedatives. Subdued, sure, but so excited to be the Riddler. And the riddle I stayed up for was a pun!
When Batman takes criminals by surprise, at least in the parts I watched, all he does is walk toward them and throw punches.
He’s incompetent in every way. And I get that the whole idea is that he’s just starting out as Batman. He’s in year two of the Batman project, and he hasn’t figured certain things out, like how to get around Gotham City without riding a motorcycle. But from what I saw—and, granted, I watched only thirty minutes of a long-ass movie—I don’t understand how the Batman of this movie could survive long enough to see year three.
The movie is basically, from what I can tell, about what it would be like if I tried to be Batman.
But of course I’ll continue watching it. Because I can’t look away from a fun disaster. I can’t resist that feeling of knowing why something is so utterly stupid, figuring out why something doesn’t work in its first 1/5, and then nodding along as all my suppositions are confirmed for the next 4/5.
It’s something I haven’t enjoyed in a long time.
There’s a groundhog out my window.
